Thursday

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS



1.. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare ... you cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. ;-)

It's Christmas! HELLOOOOO You won't be doing this ON INDEPENDENCE DAY PPL!


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat process!!


4. As for those mashed potatoes.... always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. Go next door to the rum ball house!! (I personally use lots and lots of butter or "COUNTRY CROCK" margarine & Dukes mayo in mine right along with that whole milk). :-P



5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.

Hello!?!

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.



7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.



8. .....Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you donʼt like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.

When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. ;-) ahh ha! I got cha!



10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, martini in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Ya'll know I'm full of laughs...so don't take this too seriously but DO enjoy your EATING! Because I know I will!!!

Have a great holiday season


**********


*That picture was taken after the first picture was BLURRY and I screamed that my arms were gonna fall OFF!*
See how concerned my kids were?
NOTE that mommy has been pretty much house/bed ridden for 2 months and that I shouldn't be holding kids! (OR outside) SO YES today and yesterday my arms feel as if they're gonna FALL OFF!




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4 comments:

  • jaime pott said...
     

    This is too funny....Love the eating tips!!1

  • Designher Momma said...
     

    good to see you out and about. And I take all your tips seriously. Will you do an exercise regiment in January to help me off the gravy train?

  • Stephenie said...
     

    Very cute blog! Found it by searching under a book we both like. Merry CHRISTmas and Happy New Year!...& yes, I haven't been to the gym in two weeks! ;0)

  • Jade said...
     

    OMG! You are so cute! Mince Meat,EggNog, Rumballs,YUMMY! But I have standards and happen to love fruit cake...yep, sure do! What you said about gravy COULD NOT BE any more of the truth. I could take a bath in that stuff during the holidays....WARNING!!!!PLEASE DONT TAKE THIS CUTE and CLEVER LADIES ADVICE ABOUT NOT EXERCISNG, you'll kick yourself later.